How DBT Can Help You Manage Conflict: A Five-Part Strategy

Gain practical DBT strategies to regulate emotions, improve communication, and navigate conflict with greater clarity, control, and confidence—leading to more meaningful and effective interactions.

Conflict is a natural part of relationships, but when emotions run high, it can feel overwhelming. Conflicts at home, work, or with friends often activate strong emotional responses that cloud thinking and hinder communication.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills provide practical tools to regulate emotions and respond effectively, benefiting both professionals and clients. Practicing these skills supports others in self-regulation and strengthens our ability to navigate difficult interactions with clarity and control.

To support you in integrating these skills into your client care, we’ve collaborated with Dylan Zambrano MSW, RSW, a Registered Social Worker, Founder and Clinical Director of DBT Virtual, and author of The DBT Skills Daily Journal: 10 Minutes a Day to Soothe Your Emotions with Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Dylan also leads the on-demand workshop, DBT Strategies for Relationships: Managing Interpersonal Conflict and Emotional Dysregulation. 

In this article, we introduce the five-part Mindfulness of Others strategy, which draws upon the DBT skills of mindfulness and interpersonal effectiveness to regulate emotions and manage conflict more effectively.

Contents:

1. Why Conflict Can Lead to Interpersonal Dysregulation
2. How DBT Uses Mindfulness and Interpersonal Skills to Manage Conflict
3. Mindfulness of Others: A Five-Part DBT Strategy for Navigating Conflict

Why Conflict Can Lead to Interpersonal Dysregulation

When emotions become overwhelming, they can cloud judgment, disrupt presence, and impair communication. Dysregulation often leads to impulsive reactions, rigid thinking, and difficulty shifting focus from intense emotions, making conflict resolution and perspective-taking challenging. These cognitive and emotional struggles can escalate misunderstandings and hinder meaningful connections.

Interpersonal dysregulation affects how emotions, thoughts, and behaviors are managed in relationships, particularly during conflict. When tensions rise, both parties may struggle to stay regulated, impacting communication and thoughtful responses. DBT skills offer practical tools for self-regulation, enabling professionals and clients to navigate interactions with greater awareness, control, and effectiveness.

How DBT Uses Mindfulness and Interpersonal Skills to Manage Conflict

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers a structured approach to conflict resolution by combining mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness (Linehan, 2015). These skills enhance emotional control, communication, and intentional engagement in relationships. Originally developed for Borderline Personality Disorder (Linehan, 1993), DBT is now widely used to help anyone manage emotions and navigate interpersonal challenges.

The skills DBT aims to cultivate for managing conflict include:

1. Mindfulness skills to improve awareness of thoughts, emotions, and interactions in the present moment. It helps recognize emotional triggers, reduce impulsive reactions, and respond with clarity rather than assumptions.

2. Distress tolerance skills to provide strategies to handle stress and discomfort without making impulsive choices. In relationships, they help maintain patience, reduce defensiveness, and stay engaged during conflict.

3. Emotion Regulation skills to help individuals understand and manage their emotional responses. By reducing emotional intensity, it allows for clearer communication and more balanced interactions.

4. Interpersonal Effectiveness skills to enhance communication, boundary-setting, and conflict resolution. They help individuals express needs while maintaining respect for themselves and others.
These skills strengthen interpersonal effectiveness, self-expression, and emotional regulation, empowering individuals to navigate challenges with resilience.

Mindfulness of Others: A Five-Part DBT Strategy for Navigating Conflict

Mindfulness of Others is a practice inspired by DBT that combines mindfulness and interpersonal effectiveness skills to enhance emotional regulation and communication. It helps individuals stay present, observe without judgment, and create space between emotion and response, leading to more meaningful and productive conversations.

Mindfulness strengthens attentional control, allowing individuals to redirect focus to the present moment rather than distorted thoughts, reducing emotional suffering. Interpersonal effectiveness skills promote assertive, respectful communication, enabling individuals to navigate conflict while maintaining relationships and self-respect. Together, these skills foster emotional balance, clearer thinking, and healthier interactions.

How to Practice Mindfulness of Others

This strategy helps regulate emotions during conflict by fostering empathy, validation, and deeper understanding. It shifts focus from emotional reactions to intentional responses—key for effective conflict resolution.

This practice can be used individually or with clients before a challenging conversation to strengthen conflict management skills. Over time, it becomes a natural, in-the-moment tool for responding to difficult emotions with balance and skill.

Part 1. Bring a Conflict to Mind

• Recall a challenging conflict with another person (mild to moderate in intensity).
• Visualize the experience as if it were happening again.
• Identify key details: Who was involved? What led to the conflict? What was at stake for you?

Part 2. Observe Your Own Experience

• Notice what you were thinking and feeling during the conflict.
• Reflect on how these emotions manifested (physically, behaviorally, through urges to react).
• Acknowledge what is understandable about your emotions in that situation.

Part 3. Shift Perspective to the Other Person

• Imagine the conflict from the other person's point of view.
• Consider what they might have been thinking and feeling at the time.
• Identify any observable signs that indicate their emotions.
• Reflect on what made sense about their thoughts and feelings.
• Consider what was at stake for them in the conflict.

Part 4. Find Common Humanity

• Recognize shared human experiences:
• "Just like me, this person wants to be happy."
• "Just like me, this person tries to avoid suffering."
• "Just like me, this person experiences stress, sadness, frustration, and anxiety."
• "Just like me, this person seeks to fulfill their needs."
• Observe any shifts in perception, emotion, or physical sensations.

Part 5. Set an Intention for Future Interactions

• Reflect on how you might have responded differently with awareness and effectiveness.
• Set an intention for future interactions, whether with this person or, more broadly, in relationships.
• Commit to being more mindful in interactions with others.

Practicing Mindfulness of Others, whether as a meditation or in real-time interactions, helps expand perspective, increase awareness of the present moment, and foster intentional responses. 

In therapy or other relational settings, practicing these skills promotes effective problem-solving, conflict resolution, and deeper engagement—ultimately leading to more meaningful and productive relationships.

Interested in learning more? Gain deeper insights into DBT and the Mindfulness of Others practice with our comprehensive resources. Access the full Mindfulness of Others five-part PDF guide, the Guide to Applying Mindfulness and Distress Tolerance Skills, and three high-definition video lessons with professional transcripts—all designed to enhance your understanding of interpersonal dynamics.

Explore these resources in our on-demand workshop: DBT Strategies for Relationships: Managing Interpersonal Conflict and Emotional Dysregulation.

Feel free to share this post with friends, family, or colleagues. Thanks for your ongoing interest and support!

Dylan Zambrano, MSW/RSW—Registered Social Worker, Founder & Clinical Director of DBT Virtual, and author of The DBT Skills Daily Journal.

 Michael Apollo MHSc RP is the founder of the Mindful Society Global Institute. Prior to founding MSGI in 2014, he was the Program Director of Mindfulness at the University of Toronto. He is an educator, licensed clinician and certified facilitator in Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy.

References:

Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT® skills training manual(2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. Guilford Press. 

Disclaimer

The content in our blogs is not intended to substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your health provider with any questions you may have regarding your mental health.